• Bloomer Zine

Avoiding Toxic Arguments

Feel Happier and Calmer Without The Unnecessary Toxicity

By B. Miller

Some arguments are helpful; they blow away cobwebs. Others, though, hurt and achieve nothing. Those that repeat and quickly cut deep are toxic. You would feel happier and calmer without them.

When your mind's full of worry and regret about what you, or someone else said, you can't think straight. Solving problems is tough if the person you want to talk to is angry and/or upset. Nonetheless, you need not quarrel.


Mostly, people want harmony and well-being when they talk; typically, no one intends to cause pain or be hurt. However, a sense of what they hope to achieve may be lost among the wreckage of ill-chosen words. 

Before you inadvertently begin an argument, pause to think about what you want from a conversation. Identify the outcome you prefer.

Once you are sure why you are communicating, you have an aim. You can maintain a course that steers you in the right direction. If separate issues arise, bring the conversation back in line with your intention rather than deviate. 

At the same time, ask others what they want, so they also create goals. As a result, the discussion's less likely to turn into a toxic argument.


Don't bring up sensitive topics when the atmosphere's not conducive to peaceful communication. Trying to have a good conversation with someone when you, or they, are tired, ill, or already distraught isn't easy. People who aren't calm and rested are often snappy and speak out of turn because of stress. 

Wait for the right moment to have meaningful exchanges. Similarly, when arguments occur, remember you don't have to continue. Suggest you reconvene when everyone is calm.


You can't force people to listen, but you can make sure you hear them. When you pay attention, others know you want to understand them, and this helps them feel appreciated. After they speak, reflect on what they say, and if it confuses you, ask for clarification. 

Many toxic arguments evolve out of misunderstanding. If you wait your turn before speaking and are clear about what others mean, mix-ups won't occur. If others have had their say and aren't struggling to be heard, you will have the space and time to speak.

Toxic arguments ruin relationships and cause distress. However, you can stop them developing or prevent them happening. Bear your intention in mind, wait for the right moment to converse, and don't forget you need not continue heated discussions. Also, remember listening well will provide you with understanding and room to speak later.